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student loan debt

My Student Loan Debt: Part I

During Easter dinner, I had a great conversation with my nephew. He’s seventeen and discussions of college are fully underway. Part of these discussions revolve around student loans. Having just paid off my student loan debt, I had a lot of insights I wanted to share with him. Frankly, I didn’t want him to make the same mistakes I did and I wanted to give him the bigger picture of how student loan debt can play out once you are in the real world. I figured I would share these with you as well in hopes that it will help someone else.

Growing Up

In order to provide a little perspective, I will have to go way back. I came from a blue collar family where I was the youngest of four children. No one in my immediate family had ever gone to college or even taken college level courses. At the time, I was also not aware of many cousins, aunts or uncles going to college either. Perhaps only a handful? All of my older siblings went right out into the world to make their way. I, however, always new I wanted to go to college because everything I wanted to be when I grew up required a college degree.

Money was an interesting subject when I was growing up. Actually, it was a non-existent subject. Paychecks and bills were discussed behind the closed door of my parents’ bedroom. Bills were paid with cash or with cashier’s checks. When we went out to eat, the bill was discussed by my parents en français and the tip was as well. Savings, debt, credit scores and pensions were not discussed in front of the children- even the adult children. 401Ks were not even a thing back then.

The one thing I knew about money was that if I wanted to go to college, it was on me. Back then, there were no 529 accounts and certainly no secret stash of cash that would magically appear upon my graduation. Additionally, my parents would not provide me with their tax returns or their social security numbers for the FAFSA. My parents were of a different generation and I understood that completely. Even though I hate the saying: “It was what it was”. It really was and I accepted it.

My Early College Experience

I started off my college career at the local University where I completed a year and a half completely on scholarship. During my first try at college, I found myself confused as to what path I should be on in terms of career. Before wasting any more money, I withdrew. I got married, had my son and otherwise tried to figure out what I really wanted to do.

When my son was three, I felt the urge to go back to school and finally complete my degree. Assisting at a daycare and waitressing at a local Italian restaurant was hard work and yet I barely made the bills every month. I needed to go back to school and I felt driven like never before.

I applied and was accepted to a private University that came with a premium price. This was not the local University I had originally attended. That University was public and much more reasonably priced. Despite the premium price, this University was willing to give me lots of financial aid so that I could attend. They built this beautiful new Graduate building and my plan was to attend graduate school right after my bachelors. Since I already had a year and a half of credits, I graduated with my bachelors degree in only three years.

A month before graduation, the University closed the Graduate program they had just launched. My class was supposed to be the first Graduate class. I was devastated. We were given the option to attend a Graduate program as reciprocity in northern NH or in Boston. The University knew they had done us wrong and so they made arrangements for all of us to be accepted into either of the other Graduate programs. Since I had a family to care for, I accepted my Bachelors and entered the work force I put my student loan on forbearance.

To Be Continued…

***Since this is a pretty long post and I want to add a lot of detail, please check back for part two next week!

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too busy for a garden- wildflowers

Too Busy For a Garden? Think Again!

The Superbowl is over and Valentine’s has passed. We are finally in the last stretch of Winter! What better way to make it go by faster than to plan out your Spring garden!

Before you give any excuses as to why not, hear me out. It is possible to work full-time and still be able to grow your food! How? By understanding that you do not have to do all the things to have a garden. You can be creative in a small space which will allow you to be successful with a little bit of time and planning.

What to grow?

Here is where you need to do some soul searching. You see, I have been there. I look at all of the seed catalogs and I want it all. I want to grow every last bit of what I see. But I know it’s not possible. I cannot work full-time out of the home and grow 5 different green beans and twenty varieties of tomatoes. It’s not realistic.

Here a few questions to ask yourself:

  • Which ones will do well in the space I have? Remember, the larger the space, the more work to upkeep. Only you can decide what is your level of reasonable.
  • Which ones will I and my family like to eat? If you do not like wax beans, do not grow them. Reserve your energy for the vegetables all of your family will love.
  • Think about their timeline of growing and try to stagger the harvests. When you are limited with time, you will have a better experience if things ripen at various times. You may get overwhelmed by picking, processing and storing large amounts of tomatoes and cucumbers when they all ripen at the same time.
  • What do you like to eat on a daily or weekly basis? I get a lot of satisfaction at being able to make a salad fresh from the garden. It is an amazing time saver to just pick it out of your backyard. It truly streamlines the farm to table process. Not to mention, it also saves money.
  • What do your local farms grow? If you have a local farm who grows your favorite variety of Roma tomatoes, then let them continue to be your supplier. Grow a different variety like cherry tomatoes or a type of slicing tomato.
  • Do you have to grow veggies? Not at all! You can look at herbs and flowers too! Herbs are suited very well for small spaces and low maintenance. Flowers can be too! You just need to pick the right ones. One tip for beautiful flowers has been to grow a meadow!
    • That’s right – a meadow! We simply chose a very sunny spot, spread out some meadow seed and let it go. We replanted after 2 weeks and we had a prolific amount of flowers. See title picture for a shot of some of the beautiful flowers. Because they were wild flowers, they tolerated dry spells and lots of sun.
Too busy for a garden- wildflowers

Where to grow a garden?

Gardens are not just for planting in the ground. Quite frankly, this can be one of the more labor and time intensive ways to grow a garden. Tilling the soil and amending the soil are laborious. This is not necessarily the best route when limited on time.

I realize that this may be off-putting to some but when you work full time you need to be able to dial it down to a manageable space. That’s where containers and raised beds come in handy.

Raised beds are great for growing many types of vegetables. As long as you make them at least 12″ deep and with good drainage, you will have success. You can either build the beds from scratch or purchase kits.

Once you build the beds, you can have the soil delivered. Purchase soil with a lot of organic material to feed the roots. Many garden centers have great garden soil available for bulk purchase. With raised beds, you can have a full garden up in a day!

Another way to grow your own is to utilize containers. There are a variety of containers for purchase which will accommodate many sized plants. You can finds these at the stores but also listed on various yard sale websites. You can even utilize hanging baskets for some smaller veggies and herbs. There are many varieties of plants specifically bred for container gardening.

Also, when it comes to container gardening, think outside the box (or container). Last year, we made a green bean tee pee in a large pickle container cut in half. We got this free from someone online. We re-purposed some beer kegs to grow our herbs. For our jalapenos, we used the collection canister of a broken shop vac. Yes, you read that right. A broken shop vac. Seriously, it was brilliant. I have to give my husband credit for this one. It was super deep and it had wheels so we could move it when we needed to get it more sunlight.

The Importance of Mulching

Regardless of your garden selection, one thing you need to remember is to mulch. Regardless if you plant in the ground, in a raised bed or a container mulching has many benefits to help decrease your workload.

First, applying 6-8 inches of mulch will help slow water loss due to evaporation. So when you run out the door and forget to water the garden before work, rest assured the mulch will buy you some time until you get home.

Second, mulching will help decrease the amount of weeds that will grow. Additionally, the weeds that will grow, are much easier to remove as they do not have strong root holds on the soil. The last thing I want to do is to pick weeds when I get home. Mulching helps me not have to do it as often!

Third, mulching slowly breaks down over time thereby releasing its nutrients into the soil. Organic mulch like leaves, straw and compost are some great examples of mulch that will help fertilize the plants.

Get to Growing!

I hope you take away some great inspiration from this and realize that it is possible to have time for a garden while working full time. You just need to be reasonable about what you can grow and be smart about how you will do it!

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the case for valentine's day

The Case for Valentine’s Day

One thing I have learned over the years: there are two extremes. You can be on Team “Valentine” or on Team “It’s a Hallmark Holiday” and anywhere in between. I happen float in between these two extremes depending on my season of life. There have been times where I can do all the things like plan a romantic dinner or buy special gifts. Then there are other times where the only celebration was me buying small Valentine cards for my kids’ classroom. If I was lucky to remember!

Historical Significance

Valentine’s Day is rooted in both Christian and Roman historical significance. The Catholic Church alone has three separate and distinct Saint Valentines and each has their own religious significance. There is also some discussion about Valentine’s Day having its roots in the pagan celebration of Lupercalia. This is a day dedicated to a fertility festival dedicated to a Roman god, Faunus.

While the exchange of hand made valentines may have started as far back as the Middle Ages, Americans did not jump on this band wagon until the early 1700s. Ester Howland, aka Mother of the Valentine, started selling the first mass-produced valentine’s greeting. Today, it is estimated that Americans send over 1 billion Valentine’s Day cards! You can read more about the historical and religious origins of Valentine’s Day here.

Valentine Decor

As February begins, I come to the realization that its about time I put up a few Valentine’s decorations. When I say a few, I mean a few. With the exception of Christmas and Halloween, I like to keep any seasonal or holiday decor to a minimum. First, it’s great for my wallet. Second, who has time for intense decorating? Third, I don’t think anyone in my family would notice the decor one way or another. It adds a pop of color and it’s a temporary change from the usual decor.

I have a bundle of fake roses that sit inside a cute metal pot. I have a free printable I found online a few years ago and I have some hand towels that were an impulse buy on a shopping trip to one of those home stores. The decor I love the most is a hand made wall decor piece that spells out the word ‘Love’ of course!

Beyond the Decor and the Cards

To me, the quintessential importance of Valentine’s Day is not about the decor or the cards. It is not about the heart shaped boxes of chocolates or the fuzzy stuffed animals. Nope. Not at all. It’s about taking the time to tell those around us how much they mean to us.

How can you do this? Simple. Spend nothing but time and attention. I remember one year, I went all out. I ordered fancy chocolate covered strawberries for each of my siblings, my parents, and my own family. Admittedly, it cost a pretty penny. When they came in, they were a big disappointment. I should have guessed that ordering these during such a busy season would not be a good idea. The strawberries were well passed their prime and it showed.

The next year, my daughter asked to make the same chocolate covered strawberries at home. That’s when it hit me. Its not about the items, cards and heart shaped stuff. It’s about taking time out of your day to tell your loved ones that they are just that. Loved.

The Case for Valentine's Day Strawberries

This year, I encourage you to give it a try. Tell your family how much you love and appreciate them. Tell them why. Spend time with them doing things that are fun and making memories. These are the things that will last forever. This is my case for Valentine’s Day….

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Word of the year

My Word for the Year: Rebuild

I think everyone has heard of the Ali Edwards’ One Little Word project whereby you choose a word and embark on a crafty, self-discovery of oneself. Ali offers a class and some absolutely stunning products that can help you along your journey. Every month there are different prompts and activities to help guide you along the way. I have always been intrigued by this process but yet intimidated at the same time. So, this year, I decided to choose a word but not necessarily do “all the things”. This word is one by which I will approach life. It isn’t specific to one aspect of my life but yet it is the lens I will choose to look through for all aspects. That word is ‘Rebuild’.

Rebuild can mean so much to so many people. A quick Pinterest search will lead you to think that it is just about relationships or trust. Rebuild, however, is so much more to me.

In 2019, I plan to rebuild my career as 2018 really threw me off course. I had left a phenomenal job in 2016 for the hopes and promises that all came crashing down in 2018. That does something to a person. You start to doubt your intuition and doubt the path you chose. Rebuild is what I plan to do with my career and with the trust I have in my intuition. I know that I have a lot to offer and I just need to rebuild the parts of me that will help me get there.

I also plan to rebuild my circle of friends. Not going to a job five days a week, you spend a lot of time alone and start to be too comfortable alone. I need to get out there and open myself up to new opportunities. the more I stay inside my bubble, the more I will stay inside my bubble. I need to stretch myself and push outside of my comfort zone and reconnect with those around me and with those I have lost touch with.

Rebuild is also what I plan to do with how I approach fitness. I need to rebuild my strength and love of feeling my body move. Way back when, I danced from the age of 9 until 21. To this day, I still absolutely love to dance. I am thankful I don’t have close neighbors because my large windows make a great mirror when the right song comes on! At the age of 15, I joined a local Y and pumped iron. I spent many days actually having fun while working out. Back then, it was such an integral part of my life that it was something I just did. Every day. For the past few years – well maybe 20 – it has been thought of as somewhat of a chore. I don’t know how that mindset was changed or why. But I must rebuild my thought process around this.

I also want to rebuild my relationship with food. Food is a source of fuel for my body and should not in any way be a source of comfort. I am tired of the Yo-Yo-ing of my weight because I either cannot control my urge to eat everything in sight or I go the opposite and restrict so much that I say no to everything in sight. Neither of these extremes are healthy. I must be able to find a healthy balance using real food so that it is sustainable and realistic.

Word of the Year; Rebuild; A Working Mom's Guide
Is anything more calming than the ocean to help bring clarity?

Working on all of the above, will help me rebuild my confidence in myself and what I stand for as a person. It will help me repair the trust I have with my intuition and strengthen my resolve to be better, look better, and feel better.

What word will you choose for the New Year?

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Summer of Change

Typical Summers

I have been working since I was 15 y.o. with nothing more than a few weeks of vacation every year as a break.  The only extended chunk of time I ever had off was when I took the typical 6 or so weeks of maternity leave after having each of my kids.  Even then, especially as I grew in my career, there was still never a true feeling of ‘off time’ from work.   There was always some project or some deadline to think about.  Having a whole Summer off (and truly disconnect) is something I had often dreamed about but never thought possible.   Summers usually consisted of me or my husband driving our daughter to Summer day-camp, then going on about our daily grind: work.  There was no difference in our day to day between the seasons.  It was all the same: work.  I actually dreaded summers because it meant having to get up even earlier in order to bring my daughter to day-camp and have enough time to get to work on time.

This Summer, however,  was different.  Really different.

Summer of Change

You see, I have recently been through a significant life change.  For the first time in my life, I am not working.  Yes, my blog is entitled “a Working Mom’s Guide” but this is just a temporary season in my life- like Summer.  While I admit that the circumstance around me not having gainful employment is something that left me with constant self deprecating recordings that play over and over in my head, there was one bright light.  It gave me the opportunity to re-evaluate where my passion lies.  In addition, it has given me something more than any job could provide: endless time to devote to my family and a Summer of memory making that I and my daughter will forever remember.

We started the summer off on a softball high where my daughter and her U10 teammates celebrated a Division Championship.  Quickly, we transitioned into a softball summer camp.  It was four hours every day for 2 weeks and I was actually able to drive her to and from without having to rely on anyone else.  I was even able to watch and cheer her on from the stands during the exhibition part of the week.  Being so used to planning ten steps ahead or thinking about all the work that is due, this camp was the first time I came to the realization that I didn’t need to do any of that.  I actually got to live in that moment.

Fun Excursions

It’s not to say I wasn’t looking for work, I certainly was!  But when I wasn’t, I was planning for or on an excursion!  We went to the beach countless of times – I always had a beach bag packed and ready to go!  Living within a half hour from the ocean, it is a quick car ride to catch some waves and rays.  The summer before, I was only able to get to the beach once- maybe twice- so we certainly made up for it this year.

I was able to re-connect with an old friend.  This was something that I hadn’t been able to do or I just never made it a priority.  We went on a mountain excursion to see some beautiful falls and natural swimming holes.  The water was cool and crisp and the memories warm and amazing.

Ella and I then practiced a mother / daughter ‘camp out’ in our backyard.  We wanted to make sure we could set up our site on our own while in the comfort of our own yard.  It was a success! We then went on a 3 day camping trip with the aforementioned friend and her grandsons.  Can you say girlpower?   My daughter learned to pitch a tent, start a fire, and not rely on technology.  It was the best three days!

We traveled by train to Portland, Maine where we explored all the city had to offer.  In the past, I have always driven there by car so it was a super cool experience to travel by train.

We visited The Mystic Aquarium and the Mystic shops.  In addition, we were even able to explore downtown Mystic and see the drawbridge open!

We visited a local science center and learned about some of the amazing animals we have in our state.   Mini-golf was on the list as was being able to participate in 7-Eleven’s free slushy day!  I took her and her friends to the movies, out to lunch, to arcades, and they had several sleepovers! My daughter also had a few day trips with her friend’s families and left me to my own devices.  I took myself to a Sunflower festival and basked in their beauty.

Looking Back

As I reflect on the summer, it was all about reconnecting and grounding myself.  It is about realizing what is important and what deserves my time and attention.  It is about loyalty and realizing that friends and family deserve my loyalty over a place of employment.  I have realized this summer that  wherever my search takes me, I will be looking for that career to fit into my family and life.  I will not adjust my family and life for a career.

If I could give this summer a hashtag, it would truly be #bestsummerever!

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